Running Towards a Common Goal

I can't believe I'm only three weeks away from my half-marathon. I really need to get another long run in this week. I didn't run in New York nor this past weekend, and now my deadline is creeping up on me. Girls, please pray I can do this. I have only run 8 miles during training the past few months, and there will be an extra 5.1 to add to that on race day.

I was thinking about why I'm doing this. It's kinda neat because God reminded me that I didn't set out with the goal to run the half-marathon. I set out with the goal to do something my husband really wanted me to do with him. I wasn't sure I could even run 2 miles, much less 5 and then 8 and now 13. But all JJ wanted me to do was try because he wanted us to have something to do together - other than laundry, kids, bills and you know what.

We used to run together when we first got married but stopped once we had kids. Although it's been hard and taken lots of time out of my days that I didn't feel like I had, we've grown so much closer. We've spent so much more time together the past several months than we had in a while. And it's because we had a common purpose - a prize we were running toward together.

Even days like yesterday that put a strain on our relationship, we have a reason to put that aside because it's time to run. We even measured a new running course last night near our house while we were still in the midst of processing our honor/dishonor issues. I was so thankful that we had something to pull our hearts and pride out of that yucky place.

Do you and your husband have a goal that you are running toward together? It doesn't have to be a half-marathon! It could be spending 15 minutes a day just talking, or going for a walk. It could be renting a movie and laughing together once a month, it could be learning to dance or joining a bowling team.

I'd love to hear ways that you or someone you know have come up with a common goal, or put in an extra amounts of time and effort in your marriage that you can see has made a difference.

When my best intentions get me into my biggest troubles!!!

Andrew was having a hard time yesterday; he was really tired and wanted to escape into a computer game. But he had homework to do first. He struggled to stay focused, trying not to let me see the crocodile tears that dripped down his face. He didn't have that much homework. I knew something more was going on. Something else was brewing in his thoughts that had to do with some friends. He'd been hinting about it all day but not flat out saying it.

JJ was sitting across the living room watching a football game while also kind of aware of what was going on with us. I had an idea of something that would cheer up Andrew, but I also thought what Andrew needed most was for his dad to recognize what was going on. I thought JJ should turn off the tv and "engage" with his son. It wasn't happening, and in my mind I was not thinking very honoring thoughts towards my hubby. I invited him into the situation by suggesting he turn off the tv and come over to talk with Andrew.

It all got messy at about that time. JJ felt insulted. I felt frustrated. He finally just said, "Tell me what you want me to do." I wanted him to take Andrew to do something fun, manly, and distracting like shooting the bb gun in the woods at glass bottles that will explode. I wanted it to be JJ's idea but couldn't get him to read my mind. If I told him, it wouldn't mean as much to Andrew. (Such female thinking!)

Finally, I gave in and said, "When he finishes his homework, why don't you guys go shoot the bb gun?"

Andrew smiled so big and said, "Okay!" The tears were gone and so was my husband. He was very frustrated about how things had unfolded. He felt dishonored for the way I handled it all - how I said it and when I said it (in front of the kids). I felt so misunderstood!

Feeling very convicted that I needed to honor my husband's perspective, I remembered something I learned this summer while reading the book of Esther. Esther was chosen by the King to be his new wife because his first wife, Vashti, had dishonored him. The king’s advisers insisted that he remove the Queen from her throne because they were afraid her decision to dishonor the King would influence other wives to dishonor their husbands. God reminded me that the way we treat our husbands has great influence on others. It influences the kind of women our sons will look to marry. It influences the way our daughters will speak to their husbands. And it influences how our friends might talk to their husbands after hearing how we talk to ours.

However, my pride kept reminding me that I had the best of intentions. I thought so highly of my husband that I wanted him to be the one to speak into Andrew's hurts and right whatever was wrong. But sometimes the best of my intentions can get me into the biggest of troubles!!!

I wonder if that was what happened with Vashti. Did she think hers were the best of intentions when she dishonored her husband? Maybe she was trying to prove a point that seemed good to her at the time. I used to think the ramifications she faced were a little harsh. But when I looked more closely, I realized how far reaching her influence was when she dishonored her husband.

After I cooled down a few hours later, I asked God to show me how to honor my husband and change the influence I had on my sons that had witnessed the whole "discussion." The Holy Spirit nudged me to say I was sorry even though I had the best of intentions. I needed to say it - "I'm sorry for dishonoring you."

Now, let me tell you - it was hard! I wanted JJ to say he was wrong, too. But that wasn't God's plan. He wanted me to just apologize for using a tone and timing that dishonored JJ, and leave it alone. JJ even told me that is what would make him feel most honored. So, I eventually swallowed some huge chunks of pride and apologized.

My pride was so hard to swallow but it went down a little easier when I remembered that honoring my husband honors God, and also influences my sons who will one day look for wives that I hope will honor their husbands, too. (It also helped that I really love my very patient husband and don't want to dishonor him - I just don't deliver my thoughts very well sometimes.

When "Odd" is Totally God

Yesterday afternoon I was on my way to a meeting with Lysa when I called my friend Holly from my cell phone. We were talking about where we could meet the next day so I could pick up something she needed me to take to the P31 office. Suddenly our call dropped.

"That's odd," I thought. "I'm on the highway and have a great signal."

Instead of calling her back, I had this odd sense that I should call home to see if I had any messages. It didn't make sense for me to do that. No one was at home. I was in the middle of a decision with Holly so I should call her right back. I wasn't expecting a call from anyone and I would be home in an hour or so. But oddly, I called home anyway.

My voice mail said there was one message, left at 1:23pm. I looked at the clock in my car. It was 1:24pm.

"That's odd," I thought. "They must have just left a message."

I pressed "1" to retrieve the message and listened as a thick-southern manly voice tried to explain that he had found a dog with a tag. "It say's er name is Daisy and she's got yur phone number on it. " Then he said something about working in a ditch on a road that is near my house.

My heart started pounding! It was at the corner of a VERY busy intersection with a four lane road and four-way stop light. I tried to drive, listen to the message and frantically write his number on the palm of my hand. Then I heard him say his name, Josh. God's peace came over me knowing that He had safely led my crazy Daisy into the arms of a man named Josh whose namesake (Joshua) reminds me of God's promise - that He will be with us wherever we go.

I called Josh back immediately. He told me he was about to go to another job site so I assured ld him I'd be there in 10 minutes. He kindly agreed to wait for me. When I got there Daisy was in his truck looking like she'd gladly go with him if he'd invite her. She's a beagle so her loyalties lie with whomever is willing to play with her or pet her. I have learned much about redeeming love through this dog, let me tell ya! I was so glad Josh hadn't taken her up on the offer to become his with her wagging tail and doggy grin.

As I drove home, my heart was overwhelmed with gratitude for God's timing, God's protection, and God's leading in my Spirit. It was Him who had oddly allowed my call to drop. It was Him who oddly lead me to call home to check messages at a time that didn't make sense. It was Him who lead Daisy to the ditchworker named Josh and Him who taught me a lesson that when things get a little odd, it may just be God!

Get in the Game

We were on our way to school this morning when I noticed dark clouds in the distance. I told Andrew it looked like it was going to rain today. He said he was glad because that meant they wouldn't have recess outside.

It surprised me that he'd want it to rain. Earlier this year it was just the opposite. He was always so disappointed on rainy days because it meant recess in the gym. But not today. Something had changed. I wondered what had a happened to make him want to have recess inside, so I asked him.

"Because recess outside isn't fun anymore. No one plays football so I don't fit in now. They all play soccer."

Now I was really confused. Andrew loves soccer. I reminded him of what a great player he is. Rehearsing all the things that he can do well - run fast, get the ball out of tight spots. But my inspirational message wasn't working. He was convinced he wasn't good enough and that it would just be another day on the sidelines.

It broke my heart to think of Andrew withdrawing from his friends and letting his insecurities keep him from getting in the game. As he opened the door to get out of the carpool line I looked him in the eyes and said, "Have a great day bud - and get in the game. You are a great player. "

As I drove away I prayed out loud claiming confidence in Christ for my little man. My son who brings laughter and joy wherever he goes - when he's willing to get in the game of life - physically and emotionally. I prayed that God would speak to his heart and remind him of how valuable he is, silencing his doubts and replacing them with truth that he can do all things through Christ who gives him strength and soccer skills. Then a familiar verse came to mind and my heart echoed David's desire but now it was for my son, "Lord, I pray that Andrew would cry out to you for your perspective and you would make him bold and stout hearted. And Lord today if you see me heading to the sidelines because I feel insecure or doubtful about what I have to offer, will you do the same for me, too."

When I called, you answered me;
you made me bold and stouthearted. Psalm 138: 3

A Nun, A Lawyer or a Lunatic?

We had the best time in New York. I just noticed that my legs are aching today, probably from all the walking we did. Climbing many flights of stairs and in back alleys, you ask? Nahhh! Just innocent street walking looking at purse carts and chasing down taxis to take us the opposite direction on one-way streets.

Oh my, how I needed that few days of laughing, playing and good Bible teaching. Lysa's messages were powerful and the women were eatin' up God's Word. It was an amazing conference on Saturday, and as Lysa shared on her blog at least 5o women committed their lives to Christ or made re-commitments. They were of every age, every stage and every nationality. I loved being with them and watching their responses to God's invitation to say YES to HIM!

I wish I could show you more photos. Bummer that they are all on Lysa's camera because I forgot mine. I tried to hi-jack it from her before I headed home but it wasn't happening. I'll see if I can get them this week. I need to create a few scrapbook pages here on my blog and tell my side of the story especially the part about me almost getting us killed.

It's true I lost my mind momentarily and argued in the middle of the street with a NYC cab driver. We've been told by the locals that legions of angels must have been guarding us. But I just have to tell you that the old mean cab driver accused our sweet Pedi-Taxi driver of knocking his whole front bumper off his van.

Now, I admit that our Pedi-driver did scrape the taxi. I felt the bump - but it wasn't that big. And there is no way a taxi cycle-cart can rip a whole bumper off. I am sure the thing was hangin' off before we showed up. But despite the danger that insued, the momma in me kicked in! I had actually kicked into "momma" mode before it all happened just thinking about how this young man was not going to be able to walk the next day after cartin' over 410 pounds of us through town. Still, I had no business getting involved. I've always been a "defender of the weak." I guess my passion kicked in to protect the partially innocent.

When I was a little girl, my daddy used to say I was going to be a nun when I grew up. Then I became a teen-ager and he changed his predictions, insisting I was going to be a lawyer. I always thought it was because he thought it paid better but now I am thinking he might have had other reasons.

Caught Between the Moon and New York City

Here I am getting ready to take off. I am going to New York City with my frequent-flying friend who got bumped up to first class along with her oh so sweet assistant. Who by the way gave up her seat and made me take it so I could fly first class!! Is she not the most giving girl?

Isn't it sweet that in the midst of a really hard week God had already planned this oh so fun trip with with Lysa and Holly! I love getting away with my friends but it's such a rare thing. And I have no responsibities this weekend- yay! All I have to do is have fun, eat and shop. No thinking, no planning, no crying unexpectedly when I see a sweet photo of two little girls, no wondering what's next in our adoption journey. Just a little escape.
And Lysa brought her camera so we'll be posting some fun photos of our adventures. We're headed to lunch and then shopping. Do you have any fun suggestions? Places we should go, things we should see?

I've been humming this tune all day.


For more fun photos and the low down on our day, click here to go to Lysa's blog.

A letter to my girls that were never mine

Thanks for your prayers for all of us. JJ and the boys are handling our loss so much better than I am. I guess that's the advantage of being from the male species. You my friends have made me feel so understood! Your thoughts and prayers have been so comforting, so encouraging, so meaningful. Today was much better than yesterday! Radio recording was canceled due to a stomach virus our producer got so I took the unexpected gift of time to process my thoughts and wrote all that I was feeling in a letter to the girls.

Dear Shasho and Zenie,

First of all, I love your names. They make me smile when I say them. And so your sweet photos that are on computer desktop. I have been looking at your photos for days. I remember when we got the first one back in August. Then more came last week. I have loved watching your smiles turn from hesitant to hopeful.

The first photo we received was taken the day you were admitted to the orphanage. I can only imagine what must have been going through your young and innocent minds that day. Why are we here? Why are we staying with these people while our uncle walks away. Why is he crying? Why is he saying good-bye? Have we done something wrong? Will he come back or will he never return but be gone forever like our mommy and daddy?

Today I see something different. I am looking at a photo taken just last month – many weeks after you arrived. You have new home and new friends now. Today I see brightness in your eyes and joy in your smile. I wonder if you know that you are loved. I wonder if you have been held while you cried and assured that there is hope ahead. I wonder if you have been told that someone will come for you and that you will one day have a forever family – where you will be loved and protected.

Sweet Shasho and Zenie, there is nothing you have done to deserve what you are going through. There is nothing you have done to put yourself where you are. Illness and disease have kept you from knowing your mommy and daddy. Poverty has taken you from your uncle and the only home you’ve known sweet girls. But the God of the universe has kept you close to His heart. His eyes are on you and He is watching over you, making sure that you will never be alone. He promises that He will never leave you. His riches are endless and He will never run out of supplies to meet your needs.

Even now as I write to you, God is placing you into a new family. I was hoping and praying that it would be our family. I thought for sure that was God’s plan, but today it seems that it is not. You see another family came to see you and fell in love with you the same way I did. This family had the wonderful privilege of meeting you in person, sitting across from you at the table, listening to you laugh and feeling the warmth of your hands in theirs. They got to watch you interact with the other children and see you playing on the swings. I have to admit that I’m envious of this time they had with you. I wish I could’ve been there. I wish I could have looked into your glistening eyes and seen sparkles of hope when you smiled. But I know that this is God’s plan and that I can trust Him.

I want what is best for you and I have been praying that God would lead all of us in His perfect ways. I wanted you to come home with us if that was His best. But I have to believe for some reason He has something even better. This is a family that is going to love you and help you become all that He created you to be. They are going to be so blessed to have you as their daughters. You will bring such joy and laughter to their home.

God brought you into my life for a reason. I have prayed for you and loved you in my heart and I will continue to. I am okay with the fact that you will never know my love on earth, because I believe that I will get to tell you one day in Heaven. I am praying that I will get to see you and hug you and tell you how very special you are!

I am praying for you sweet girls that were never mine! I am praying that God is preparing a place in your heart to love and trust your new family. Spread your arms wide, open your heart and let Love in!

You will always be in my heart,

I feel so sad...

We got a call last night from our adoption agency director. She left a message saying that somehow a miscommunication happened and a family from Germany is adopting the girls we thought we were adopting. Our agency, wasn't notified until they called to say we wanted to adopt the girls.

I feel like I just had a miscarriage. I've been crying off and on all day. I am so sad. I don't want to hear that God has a better plan. I don't want to hear that God has other children. I know that is truth. But right now, I feel really sad. And I need to feel what I'm feeling. It makes me want to run. It makes me fall on my knees and cry. It pushes me into the arms of my Father's embrace where He whispers what it true.


I have to trust Him. It's not a option for me not to. I know His heart is good and His ways are loving. We have prayed for Him to open and close doors. We know that He already knows who our daughter or daughters will be. We only want what He wants and we want what is best for the girls we now have engraved in our hearts. It's just hurts when His answers aren't ours.

It has surprised me how quickly I fell for these two precious girls. But then I remembered the hours I spent this weekend looking through our agency's private photo web album to find the girls in snapshots. I looked in the background to see if I could find them on the playground, in the classroom and in the dining area of the agency. I found a few and felt like I had spent time watching them play. They didn't know I was there but my heart was falling in love each time I saw them.

Their sweet photo is on my desktop. It's also in my Bible and was with me all day. I know God brought them to me for a reason and I will pray for them daily until He takes the memory of their faces from me. I had started writing letters to them and praying scriptures for them in my heart. I know He will take these treasures and use them for His purposes, whether I ever know it or not.

At first I felt like God didn't want us to give up to easily. Maybe we needed to fight to get the girls. Last night I felt compelled to pray that He'd make a way where there is no way. I prayed believing and I still do. I just know that I also have to let go and trust what He has next for us. We found out today that the adopting family visited the orphanage recently and went through the orphanage to make arrangements to adopt them. Their dossier is complete and it is being processed. It looks like this is their forever family after all and when I stop crying, I will be happy for them. I promise I will!

I need to not feel so sad for much longer. I have radio recording tomorrow and need to be strengthened in my spirit to encourage others as I record these shows. There is so much more going on in the world around me but this news has made my little world tilt just a little of center today.